I can't believe you're a feminist!
how the ideology that represents the fight for equality has become a slur in recent times.
A few weeks ago, I got into an argument with two guys about feminism. Looking back, it wasn’t the most productive conversation. They seemed set in their ways, holding onto views that I just didn’t agree with. I don’t remember exactly how it started, but we ended up talking about how women are treated unfairly just because they’re women. I did my best to explain why feminism still matters and why it’s important today.
Then, one of them hit me with a question that I didn’t exactly have an answer for: “What rights do men have that women don’t?”
I had to think for a second.
I ended up telling him about an interview I’d seen where a woman shared her experience with a landlord in Lagos. She wanted to rent an apartment, and she had the money to pay for it. But the landlord refused. Why? Because she was single. He told her that a woman shouldn’t be renting a place on her own. He said, “That’s a man’s job, your husband’s job.”
The woman replied, “But I’m not married yet.”
His response? “Then you need to get married first.”
Can you believe that?
Some people might think she’s lying or exaggerating, but I believe her. My mom went through something similar when she first moved to Lagos in 2006.
Technically, there’s no law that says women can’t rent or own property. But laws don’t always stop people from acting on their biases. When prejudice is deeply rooted in a society—especially in a place like Nigeria where laws aren’t always enough to change things. And to be honest, in Nigeria, even when people break the law, there’s often no accountability.
To be fair, men do face housing discrimination sometimes, but it’s usually because of factors like social profiling, financial status, or class. It’s not because they’re men or unmarried. But for women, being a single woman can be the sole reason they get denied. That’s a big difference.
It’s 2024 shouldn’t we be past this by now?
Did you know that in the U.S., women couldn’t open their own bank accounts until 1974? That was only 50 years ago.
Before then, women often needed a man a father, husband, or male relative—to co-sign for loans. It didn’t matter if the woman had a job or her own money. She still needed “permission” from a man.
Absolutely crazy!
If you’re active on X (formerly known as Twitter), you’ve probably seen the back-and-forth conversations about misogyny, misandry, gender roles, and feminism. One thing that always stands out to me is how people label feminists as "man-haters" or accuse them of wanting to "kill all men."
Now, I’ll admit, there are extremists within every movement, and feminism is not an exemption. But here’s the thing—I don’t think people who distance themselves from feminism because of these extremists ever really believed in the cause to begin with. If you truly know what you stand for and what your values are, you won’t abandon them just because a few people go too far.
That’s how I see it, anyway.
What even is “going too far”?
Another thing that often flies under the radar is the concept of "benevolent misogyny"—the idea that women should always be nurturing, kind, and morally upright. It’s this belief that paints women as “better” or more “pure” than men, and it often backfires. Women are human beings, not morally superior. Women can be selfish, rude and mean. Moral uprightness isn’t tied to gender. The expectation that women must be morally perfect only reinforces the idea that they should be “better” to prove their worth. It’s not empowerment; it’s a prison dressed up as a palace.
Being a man, I’m very much aware of the challenges men face too. I believe in men having safe spaces to express themselves, confront their struggles, and seek support without judgment. Men should be able to talk about their mental health, societal pressures, and personal insecurities without the fear of being ridiculed. I’m a big advocate for that. But bringing awareness to men’s issues doesn’t require us to downplay or deny the unique challenges women face. Both conversations can happen at the same time.
That’s all for now but before I leave, let me ask this:
Do you think people reject feminism because of its extremists—or because it forces them to confront uncomfortable truths about themselves?
As a matter of fact, before you answer that…
Do you even believe that women are being marginalized, or do you think it’s all just over-exaggeration?
Till next time..
Toodles 😊✌🏾
This is deep and a very very good read. Amazing I won’t lie. You touched sensitive topics with utmost care and made sure to do both sides justice. To your question to some extent in our society I think women are being marginalised and people reject feminism based on ignorance.
There is a lot to be said here and thank you for bravely sharing your thoughts in this post. I'm a native Nigerian but was born and raised in the UK, the injustices towards women are felt worldwide but in some countries, it's even more pronounced. Frankly, I'm disgusted but not surprised by much of what you've shared.